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Pokemon Crystal makes me rage.

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Day 2 - Grindan Adventures

And so, the journey of Fagbalz continues. Armed with Pokeballs, I begin looking around for Pokemon, mostly for Pokedex data. My first encounter is a Hoothoot. Tempting flyer, but I much prefer Spearow early in the game since it knows a flying move (Peck). This Hoothoot is too weak to stand up to much of a beating:

Tackle x2

Next up is... the exact same Hoothoot. The fight went even faster this time:

Tackle *crit* OHKO

I think at this point I'm going to devise a system for battle layouts. Obviously, if I use the same attack more than once, it'll be *whatever* xX, where X is the number of times used. OHKO means it went down in one hit. [b]SE![/b] will denote super-effective attacks. *CAP* will denote a successful capture of the Pokemon. *XXX* will denote a status ailment, like PSN or FRZ.

Third battle on my list is a Rattata, level 3. I might just catch this, if only for the Pokedex data.

Tackle *crit* OHKO

Hmm, maybe not. Anyways, Pyro grows yet another level here:

Pyro - Level 9
Attack - 17
Defense - 15
Spl. Atk. - 18
Spl. Def. - 16
Speed - 18
HP - 28

Level 2 Rattata is a pushover.

Tackle x2

I almost made an attempt to capture this, but I need a Pokemon of decent level to do the battling once Pyro gains another level or 2 to prevent constant OHKO's. I think if I don't catch anything decent by level 10, I'll just start running from battles.

Level 2 Hoothoot:

Tackle x2

At this point, I figure, why not go to Route 30/46? I can catch most of my beginning party: Pyro, Spearow, Geodude, Poliwag, perhaps Jigglypuff.

I come across a level 3 Hoothoot and decide to try a new tactic. Noticing that one Tackle brings it down to about half health, I hit it with Smokescreen in an attempt to get it to Growl.

Tackle
Smokescreen x3
Tackle *CAP*

Amazing. As it turns out, my first Pokemon is not Rattata, for once. OHHEMMGEE. Being the sport I am, I name my new minion Mr. Hoot.

Mr. Hoot - Level 3
Attack - 7
Defense - 7
Spl. Atk. - 7
Spl. Def. - 8
Speed - 9
HP - 17

Knows: Tackle, Growl

Not great stats, but I need something to start myself off. I give Mr. Hoot a Potion, make him hold a Berry, and slip him into the first slot.

Mr. Hoot's first battle is against a level 2 Rattata.

Tackle
Tackle *crit*

That went well. He gets almost enough experience for a level. Next up is a level 3 Hoothoot, only female. This is going to be a dumb fight, I can tell.

Tackle *crit*
Tackle
Tackle *crit*

Wow, critting up a storm today. This is enough for a level:

Mr. Hoot - Level 4
Attack - 8
Defense - 8
Spl. Atk. - 9
Spl. Def. - 10
Speed - 9
HP - 19

I finally make it into Route 46. Strangely enough, the Geodude I picked up here in Gold I used for most of the game. I feel the same thing will happen here, as the Rock Throw he/she learns at level 11 is super-effective against the birds of the first Gym, and the Magnitude he/she learn at level 16 can decimate the bugs of the second Gym. First up is a Geodude, luckily. Only problem is, it's level 2. Not wanting to waste time and HP trying to take it down, I simply run away. Second battle is just a level 2 Rattata, which I promptly blow away:

Tackle x3 (Hoothoot uses the Berry here because of low HP)

Next battle is against the exact same Pokemon and goes the exact same way. Easy XP. Third battle is... the exact same Pokemon, and goes the exact same way, only I miss the first Tackle attempt somehow, and get critted twice in a row down to 1 HP. Goddamn it I hate that annoying alert noise. DEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOODEEDOO I give Mr. Hoot a Potion and continue on to find a FOURTH level 2 female Rattata. Jesus Christ, this thing does not give up! So I kick it's ass again, critting on the first Tackle, and Mr. Hoot levels up:

Mr. Hoot - Level 5
Attack - 9
Defense - 9
Spl. Atk. - 10
Spl. Def. - 12
Speed - 11
HP - 21

Oh my God, fuck Rattatas. This one is level 3, but still, fuck it. I'm going to Cherrygrove or wood or whatever the fuck it is after this because Mr. Hoot is going to run out of Tackle PP. Realizing that Poliwag is only around at night, I head out on Route 30 to try and catch one. First on Route 30 is a level 4 Hoothoot, but I don't really feel like fighting until I find a Poliwag, so I run. I continue to run until I find a Spinarak. Figuring it's a good time to have some Poison in the party, I attempt to catch it:

Tackle
Tackle *CAP*

Level 3 male Spinarak is now mine. I name him Mr. Spider.

Mr. Spider - Level 3
Attack - 9
All others - 7
HP - 15
Knows - Poison Sting, String Shot

I then go back to the Pokemon Center really quick to heal up and put him in front. I also save at this point. Mr. Spider's first battle is against a Hoothoot of the same level. Knowing I am outclassed in the speed department, I expect the first hit and ready myself with a String Shot:

String Shot
Poison Sting
Poison Sting *PSN*
Poison Sting x3

Holy shit, this thing is WEAK. I probably would not have won without that Poison effect and a Berry I stuck on him before the battle. Next battle is against a clone of Mr. Spider, and I run away to avoid the stupidity that will inevitably come with it. After that, it's another level 3 Hoothoot. This will hopefully give him a level.

String Shot
Poison Sting *PSN*
Poison Sting x3

Thankfully, the Poison effect saves me yet again, and Mr. Spider is now level 4.

Mr. Spider - Level 4
Attack - 10
All others - 8
HP - 17

Wat? I just found a Zubat. I didn't think those things were supposed to be outside caves. This is going to be a ridiculously slow fight; Zubat is resistant to Poison Sting, and Mr. Spider is resistant to Leech Life.

Poison Sting x2

Pretty quickly, I realize the futility of the situation and decide to switch to Pyro. I hit it once, then buy some time with Smokescreen so it can leech back to enough health for a second Tackle. It takes forever, because not only is Pyro resistant to Leech Life, Zubat misses with it's attack a couple times.

Tackle
Smokescreen x3
Tackle *CAP*

A level 3 female Zubat is now mine. My first female Pokemon will be fittingly named Ms. Bat.

Ms. Bat - Level 3
Attack - 7
Defense - 7
Spl. Atk. - 6
Spl. Def. - 7
Speed - 8
Knows - Leech Life

Wow, this thing is terribad. When I capture Ms. Bat, it suddenly becomes sunny out, as 4 AM is the cutoff point for night. No Poliwag for me today, so I'm done. A recap of my team:

Pyro - Level 9
Mr. Hoot - Level 5
Mr. Spider - Level 4
Ms. Bat - Level 3

I save to reflect my new Pokemon capture and quit for the night.

Henry Spencer

Henry Spencer

 

Beginning - New Bark>cherrygrove>new Bark

I download the ROM, start the game up, and am treated to an interesting cutscene prominently showing some Pokemon's ass, plus a bunch of Unown.

New game, boy, 11:20 PM. Cutscene with Oak and Wooper. That thing looks so dumb. Plus, it's immune to electric, so the first time I tried to attack it in Gold with my Mareep, I was like, "WTF is this shit?". Continuing the cunscene, I name myself Fagbalz because that name is awesome. Walked out of my house, grabbing the Poke Gear, and headed over to that Elm's house/lab/whatever. Wait a sec... who is this lady, and why the fuck is she in my house? Her daughter wants to be Elm's assistant... m'kay. That won't happen, I'm sure.

HEY, LISTEN

So, I'm not sure what to take as a starter. Chikorita blows, fuck that. I used Cyndaquil in Gold, and he was pretty useless until I got to the Steel-type gym, where he still had no fire attacks better than Ember and couldn't take out a Steelix. Totodile seem interesting, but slow. I guess I'll try him. lol, no I won't. I take Cyndaquil and name him PYRO because I'm original like that. Totally didn't do that in Gold as well.

Got a Potion from Elm's assistant. Sure doesn't look like a chick.

Head out the door, let my rival kick me in the balls a few times because I llllllllove it.

Already wishing I had a damn bike... why can't you be like, y'know... not poor and own one already?

WHOA, THE ROUTES NOW HAVE THEIR OWN POP-UP ICON. I LOVE THIS GAME ALREADY.

First battle... will it be something epic and exciting? OF COURSE NOT. Whereas in Gold I found Sentret, a Pokemon I had never heard of before, my first fight in Crystal is against a Rattata. Totally original! I definitely did not fight this thing first in Red, Blue, or Yellow, nope!

Tackle
Tackle
Tackle

The early game is described as such: "He who Tackleth first wins. No exceptions."

I take a jaunt onto Route 46 to see if I can find a Jigglypuff for some good XP. LOLNO. My second battle is against a Geodude... fuck. I throw a couple Leers in there, just to shake him up and throw him off-guard, but he continues to Tackle incessantly! Why God, whyyyy?

Leer
Leer
Tackle (Berry because I'm getting my ass kicked by a level 2 rock)
Tackle
*miss* (What the fuck. How do you miss something slower than dogshit?)
Tackle
Leer
Tackle

I get up to the Berry tree without any more fights and make Pyro hold it because the little fucker is getting his shit kicked by rocks. Hop the fence, and BAM! Rattata. Here's my level!

Tackle
Tackle *crit*

Pyro - Level 6
Attack - 12
Defense - 11
Spl. Atk. - 14
Spl. Def. - 12
Speed - 13
HP - 22

Pyro learned Smokescreen, which is a completely useless move unless you're being outclassed by a faggot with a Raticate that likes to Quick Attack/Hyper Fang spam.

Walk into Cherrygrove and follow the old pedophi- ahem, man's tour to get a map. lol, the Pokemon Mart sells BALLS. "Here... It's my house! Please come inside, I have candy. :3"

Heal and head to Route 30. Can't wait for the Tackle spam coming in the Rival battle. Grabbed the 2 Berries, one from the tree and another from the man in the house. Ooo, my next battle is against a Hoothoot. I caught one of these things in Gold and tried to use it. I quickly realized it's outclassed by Pidgey.

Smokescreen (for the hell of it)
Tackle
Tackle
*miss* (-BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP-)
Tackle

Grab the Antidote above the house, although I can't imagine any poison types exist this early. Grab the Psncureberry outside Mr. Pokemon's pad, also wonder why that's there. Just give me something useful, like a Berry...

Go in and get the MYSTERY EGG. OMG, WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? I DON'T EVEN KNOW, I'M SO FUCKIN' EXCITED. Talk to Oak, blah blah blah, Pokedex, time to get back to Elm. I get a call outside talking about a break-in, oh noes! I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Figures, the first tuft of grass I touch has a... wat? Poliwag? I don't remember this... and it knows Bubble. Super.

Tackle
Tackle
Tackle (Berry is used here because I'm taking a whopping 5 damage a turn to this fucker for having a type weakness ALREADY)
Tackle
Tackle

Pyro - Level 7
Attack - 14
Defense - 13
Spl. Atk. - 15
Spl. Def. - 14
Speed - 15
HP - 24

"L | Miyari: cyndaQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEL"

Continuing back, I figured I might as well get Pyro to level 8. Next up on the kill list is Spinarak. There's my poison. It is just now that I noticed the character models move. It made me do a double-take and say "What the... fuck?" out loud.

Tackle *crit*
Tackle

Then Hoothoot:

Tackle x4

Pyro - Level 8
Attack - 15
Defense - 14
Spl. Atk. - 17
Spl. Def. - 15
Speed - 17
HP - 26

Time to massacre Rival. I wonder what I'll name him? Heal at the Pokemon Center and walk out of town to confront him. His battle music is so fuckin' awesome. He has Totodile, of course, and it's gonna go down quick.

[b]RIVAL BATTLE 1[/b]

Pokemon:
Totodile - Level 5

---

Tackle x3
*miss* (^%#%$&^%$!)
Tackle x2

Easy win, easy money, but no level. That's gay. Sorry bro, it's pretty tough to be a Pokemon champion whem I'm going to constantly kick your ass. So back at Elm's, it's time to give my Rival a name. Do I give him a real, respectible name? Of course not. Asshat works perfectly. Grabbed my balls from the aide (insert dirty joke here), then talked to my mom. Normally I would have her save my money, but last game it resulted in her buying shit I didn't need and me being out of money until the Lake of Rage. I save near the exit of New Bark, and decide to leave it for another day.

Henry Spencer

Henry Spencer

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