Untitled

[Banshee 236]

I know this doesn't really belong here. However I have been writing poems/songs/shit I wanna write. Up until now I've only been asking my friends and family what they thought. So I guess I feel as if I need some out-sider opinions.

Honestly I welcome positive and negative opinions.

So here is one of the things I've wrote. If anyone wants more, I will post more.

We've Lost Our Guidance

Verse 1;

This is where i live my end,

So please don't help,

'Cause you'll just descend.

Into a hole,

Without love or hatred.

And this I've Dated.

So here is our song,

(nothing short from finished)

you may show despite,

but shut up and listen!

Chorus;

This is our last chance,

Walking through the shadows of the night,

To reach the sun.

We walk forever,

Never apart,

But never together!

Verse 2;

Our walk is half way done,

Yet you stand in place.

You ask to rest,

But if we stop, then our chance is lost.

You still wont listen,

To this song i sing for you.

But you understand the moral completely.

Chorus;

This is our last chance,

Walking through the shadows of the night,

To reach the sun.

We walk forever,

Never apart,

But never together!

Verse 3;

It is dark now,

The shadows will rise,

And the sun will set.

We've arrived now,

nothing short of disappointment.

For our last chance,

Was nothing but a race from our mistakes.

[pockets 1,841]

It's always good to be consistent with your ryhme scheme. The first verse goes AxAxBBxxx. That sets the tone for the rest of the song, and the song will be more balanced if you stick to the same structure throughout.

[Banshee 236]

Yeah, this is a pretty old one, i think i wrote this 2 years ago.

Thank you though for the advice pockets

[pockets 1,841]

Do you play guitar?

I would love to see more. Some songwriters can get away with a scrambled rhyme scheme, but they've been doing it for a long time. Start simple. I wrote a song for a band I was in a few years ago that was basically 3 chords.

[Banshee 236]

Naw, i don't play guitar. lol

And sweet

[HeadSh0tBrent 2,156]

I could be you guitar player. :3

[EggShell 1,102]

And I could be your groupie!!

And keep writing! As with anything, practice makes perfect.

[pockets 1,841]

Naw, i don't play guitar. lol

I thought you might, since you have a guitar joke in your signature.

[Banshee 236]

lol no that was from playing MvM game with joined and brent