Joke Time

[P-A 0]

ALL THE JOKES GOES HERE...

YOU CAN RATE THEM FROM 1-10 IF ITS FUNNY OR NOT....

HERES MY FIRST JOKE...

BABY MAKER

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really ?" the photographer asked. "Well, good ! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know !!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my god!!", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh...... equipment ?".

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted !!"

[IndominusRex 13]

You must post this in the lounge, can someone move it?

Here's my short joke.

The maid and the owner:

"Good Mornin MaaM!" says the maid.

"Good Morning Too!" reply the owner.

"What shall I do now ma'am?" asks the maid

"Too my dirty clothes here, you have to wash it now" reply the owner.

"Oki Ma'am! Where's should I wash the clothes?" Asks the maid.

"Here, in the washing machine!" Says the owner..

"Okay ma'am! I will do it now!"

1 Hour Later, the owner needs help of the maid and keep finding the maid, but can't find her.

A while later, she hears the weird sounds from somewhere.. She finds where it come from..

"Oh my God, what are you doing inside the washing machine?" The ower surprises..

"Oh Ma'am, of course I am washing your clothes!"

[Klitzko 0]

LoL ben!!

[P-A 0]

hahahaha..ben im going to guess whos that maid is..its probably baxter...he told me in the lobby that he used to work as a maid..hahahaha

[Speedy 11]

[IndominusRex 13]

Hehehehe... Baxter can't be a maid, he's still young.

[P-A 0]

Sum Ting Wong went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw Sum Ting Wong's colorful attire and gold & white highlighted hair, his mind is screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Sum Ting Wong. So he told Sum Ting Wong, "If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance?" "The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."

Sum Ting Wong thought for awhile and said: "I hear the phon GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phon, I say YELLOW....BLUE's this? WHITE did you say?

Aiyaaaah, wong number, laaaaah......Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Tank Yooou."

HAHAHA THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS WHO CANT SPEAK ENGLISH.........

[Tyson 0]

Hehe, Nice Jokes guys, here is mine

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Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[IndominusRex 13]

Hehe Nice Tyson.

[Tyson 0]

Hehe, Thanks Ben, and here is my other one.

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Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

[[{BeatZ}]-BIG_aLvZ- 5]

lolz well let me try...

1 day britany spears, craig david and shaggy walk into a bar and catch a drink together. As they were chatting away somebody does a very louf ripping fart. Shaggy says " it wasnt me " Craig David says " Im walking away " and Britany Spears says " Oops i did it again ". hehe