fever 9,884 #1 Posted September 26, 2014 I have a copy of Space Hulk for any Warhammer 40K fans out there. I will raffle it via a randomly drawn number a week today. Open to anyone, you don't have to be a Lotus member. If youre not in Lotus, think of it as a thank you for visiting our servers/forums To enter post a joke in this thread. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Domino 3,168 #2 Posted September 26, 2014 Fevers face Dad: Say daddy! Baby: Mommy!Dad: Come on, say daddy!Baby: Mommy!Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!Mom: Honey, I'm home!Baby: F*ck you!Mom: Who taught you that?Baby: Daddy!Dad: Son of a b*tch. Don't want to enter mind, but I like that joke. 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jesusfreak 312 #3 Posted September 26, 2014 (edited) Edited September 27, 2014 by Jesusfreak 5 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Se7en 10,762 #4 Posted September 26, 2014 No7 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fever 9,884 #5 Posted September 26, 2014 Very amusing trolling of yourselves...I approve please continue Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Domino 3,168 #6 Posted September 26, 2014 There are two hunters walking in the forest. All of a sudden one of them starts coughing, grabs his chest and falls to the ground and stops moving. The other one is scared and doesn't know what to do, as they are in the middle of the forest with no one to help. So he takes out his cellphone and phones emergencies and says: "I don't know what to do! I'm in the forest and I think my friend is dead! What should I do?" "Well don't panic. First make absolutely sure he's dead." There's a silence on the end of the line, then there's a loud BANG! "Right",says the hunter, "What do I do now?" 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fever 9,884 #7 Posted September 26, 2014 No7 I hear the ladies love a bit of 7 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Domino 3,168 #8 Posted September 26, 2014 Love a bit of 7 inches more like 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fever 9,884 #9 Posted September 26, 2014 .. PMSL Two aussie guys walking through the forest when one stops for a piss. Whilst he is watering the plants a viper bites him on the end of his man sausage and he doubles over in agony (and also I suppose in piss) clutching his groin and screaming blue murder. His mate comes rushing over, "I've been bitten by a bloody viper mate on the end of my tadger, get help I'm in agony", "no worries mate, I'll be back as soon as I can". His mate rushes off and soon arrives at a nearby village where he rushes into the doctors and says "Doc you gotta help me my mates been bitten by a viper!". The doc says "I'm going out on call, just go back and try to suck the venom out of the wound and I'll be there as soon as I can, but only you can save your friends life if you act quickly". The guy leaves the docs and rushes back to his fallen comrade. "Did you find a doctor?" asks the patient, "Yeah, doc says you're gonna die mate". 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fever 9,884 #10 Posted September 29, 2014 Only three signed up so far...come on...a free game worth around 20 squid...post your joke to enter All welcome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Domino 3,168 #11 Posted September 29, 2014 A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female." The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!" Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, "I wish the bear was gay." On another note, not a joke but I found it funny - guy in my office knows someone who got a tshirt that said 'Anythings a dildo if you're brave enough.' Made me laugh, and also try and find it for sale. XD 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LjubicaZubica 5,610 #12 Posted September 29, 2014 some oldy 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dr. Obvious 14,606 #14 Posted September 29, 2014 Dr. Obvious (not funny enough?) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rougepanda 1,550 #15 Posted September 29, 2014 Wait nobody claimed this yet? oh shit i'm in then I bet the butchers £50 that he couldnt reach the meat on the top shelf, he said the steaks were too high. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fever 9,884 #16 Posted September 29, 2014 Dr. Obvious (not funny enough?) I ain't counting this as wolf already posted it Post another Obvi pls Wait nobody claimed this yet? I'm drawing the wiener this friday Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dr. Obvious 14,606 #17 Posted September 29, 2014 Pff, not the same.... ...as he's totally not 7, right? Does "2 supports 1 lane" count? :-P A cloud of helium enters a bar. The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here.". The cloud of Helium doesn't react. The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve hypothetical particles here.". A Tachyon enters a bar. Hold on tight, we're going in deeeeeep now. Two functions meet on a number line. Says the first: "Back off, man, or i'll derive you!" Laughs the second: "Hah! I'm e(x)!" 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Domino 3,168 #18 Posted September 29, 2014 Bunch of nerds in this clan 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dr. Obvious 14,606 #19 Posted September 29, 2014 Bunch of nerds in this clan What's new about that? O.o 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Domino 3,168 #20 Posted September 29, 2014 Nothing German creature, I like it. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luop90 4,400 #21 Posted September 29, 2014 I'd kill for a noble peace prize. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fever 9,884 #22 Posted October 2, 2014 Come on...few days left...free game, just post a joke to be entered Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+JB. 4,800 #23 Posted October 2, 2014 Why does the chicken cross the road? - to get to the idiots house. a - Knock knock b - who's there a -The chicken 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dr. Obvious 14,606 #25 Posted October 2, 2014 9.2 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
