The Unwritten Laws Of Spies

[Stabby McKnife-Face 17]

How to tell a good spy from a bad spy? Good spies know the ten commandments.

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I. Upon bumping into an enemy cloaked spy while you yourself are cloaked, you both take a silent vow of "I won't say anything if you won't."

II. When sapping, sap everything, regardless of value to your team or the enemy team.

III.Prioritize targets as follows:

i. enemy spies

ii. oblivious pyros

iii. those who dominate you

iv. razorbacks

v. snipers without razorbacks

vi. the slow

vii. whatever your team has been yelling at you to do for the last 6 minutes

IV. Backstabbing a soldier will fail 75% of the time.

V. Everyone in your escape route is collateral damage, friendly or otherwise.

VI. Never plan, make it up as you go. (or, "the sentry that was there when you died is no longer there")

VII. Take enemy teleporters whenever possible.

VIII. Every other spy is worse than you.

IX. Never be serious.

X. Always dick around.

[Rivanor 1]

You forgot:

"Pyros are your worst enemies, including friendly pyros."

[Spartan_0214 18]

Really? I make a decent spy and I don't follow most of those. Rule number one should be, prioritize sentries first, the person the team complains about second, and spammers third. That clears a way for your team. Even though spies work by themselves behind enemy lines, they should always be thinking about what's best for the team. I will gladly sap an engineer's buildings and backstab him, even if he destroyed the sapper on the sentry, and take a sentry to the face to clear the way for the team. A sentry without an engineer is a sentry waiting to be broken. Also, take down dispensers first. If you die taking down a sentry, and the engineer has a level three dispenser, that engineer is going to have a new level three sentry faster than your team can avenge you. Especially if that engineer has friends helping him out.

[Rydawg 14]

Spartan, /facepalm. learn to read sarcasm on the internet. Not to mention its pretty easy to kill a eng and then sap all his stuff. Hell you can even use his own sentry againt him by hiding behind him and unclocking/takign mask off then his sentry will turn to u but kill him leaving u a quick sec to sap it before it kills u. Though the stab n sap works better, each method has its benefits.

Edited June 4, 2009 by Rydawg

[Spartan_0214 18]

Dang it Rydawg, why didn't you play along? Gawd.

[+Henry Spencer 117]

I sense thread failure in this sector, captain.

[You suck and have no life 203]

I. Upon bumping into an enemy cloaked spy while you yourself are cloaked, you both take a silent vow of "I won't say anything if you won't."

No, I tell my team where I saw the spy or I will uncloak and shoot him in the back.

III.Prioritize targets as follows:

i. enemy spies

ii. oblivious pyros

iii. those who dominate you

iv. razorbacks

v. snipers without razorbacks

vi. the slow

vii. whatever your team has been yelling at you to do for the last 6 minutes

Nope. You dont have time to prioritize and move your self accordingly. The only priorizing should be based on who is right in front of you, who is the least likely to move, and who is the easiest target. Ill get the guaranteed 1st backstab and worry about the 2nd one later.

IV. Backstabbing a soldier will fail 75% of the time.

Nope, soldiers are easy targets because they walk slow.

VII. Take enemy teleporters whenever possible.

Nah, I sap the entrance at first sight. The teleporter exit is typically heavily guarded and populated and you have a high chance of bumping into someone. Its a much better idea to sap the entrance, wait for the engineer to come back to spawn, backstab him while hes walking back, and then proceed back to the teleporter exit now that the engineer is dead.

VIII. Every other spy is worse than you.

If you means me.

IX. Never be serious.

Always be serious.

X. Always dick around.

Never, unless you mean killing.

Run away from You suck and have no life because hes probably going to kill you"

Took the words right from my mouth.

Edited June 4, 2009 by YouSuckAndYouHaveNoLife

[Spartan_0214 18]

I sense thread failure in this sector, captain.

How did you know Sucky was gonna post here? And a mere post ahead of him too... uncanny.

[+Henry Spencer 117]

I'm fuckin' magical.

[Melissia 7]

My own priority list:

1: Medics with ubercharge / kritzkrieg

2: Engineers (before/after sapping their sentries)

3: Medics without ubercharge / kritzkrieg

4: Snipers that don't suck

5: Heavies

6: Soldiers

7: Demomen

8: Snipers that do suck

9: Everyone else

To backstab a medic who has an uber ready is by far one of the best ways a spy can contribute tot heir team, along with the sapping of sentries and slaughter of heavies. Stopping an uber from ever happening is extremely valuable.

Nice prediction, henry.

Edited June 4, 2009 by Melissia

[Oww My Nose 19]

hey, uh, henry, can you tell me the winning numbers for the 6-49 in canada? i could use a few million (that's un-taxed because we're awesome)

[You suck and have no life 203]

My own priority list:

1: Medics with ubercharge / kritzkrieg

2: Engineers (before/after sapping their sentries)

3: Medics without ubercharge / kritzkrieg

4: Snipers that don't suck

5: Heavies

6: Soldiers

7: Demomen

8: Snipers that do suck

9: Everyone else

Good uber pairs dont wait around when they reach 100% uber charge. Priority is meaningless. The only thing that matter is the current situation and which target has the highest probability of you backstabbing them. If there are two targets: A medic with uber, and a sniper who sucks. Who would you target? Based on your list, you would automatically go for the medic. But that depends. If the probably of you killing the medic is 1% (because hes heavily guarded and has a heavy shooting in your direction), but the probability of you killing the sniper was 95%, then obviously you should go for the sniper first even though he might be of less threat to the team.

[Spartan_0214 18]

Bad assessment. The sniper will still be there later, the medic needs to go down quick. If the medic's guarded, the other people are probably watching forward. If there is a pyro protecting the medic from the back, then yes, your assessment is valid. However, usually a pyro isn't sitting idle protecting a medic, he's charging forward with his flamethrower.

[You suck and have no life 203]

Bad assessment. The sniper will still be there later, the medic needs to go down quick. If the medic's guarded, the other people are probably watching forward. If there is a pyro protecting the medic from the back, then yes, your assessment is valid. However, usually a pyro isn't sitting idle protecting a medic, he's charging forward with his flamethrower.

Since we are talking about hypothetical situations, we cant really prove either one as being right or wrong. The moral of the story is, you have the use your own judgement. You cant just attack a person simply because of their class.

[Josh 18]

Priority isn't pointless. your always a negative nancy!

Here is my list

1: Medics with full ubercharge

2: Engineers (before sapping their sentries- More fun and more people suck at doing it)

4: Snipers, They all drop the same way, One headshot to the back of the head works well now

5: Heavies, They are a bitch to other classes. Might aswell help your team out. (They can be a pain if they are spy checking often, Its hard to sidestab a heavy and if they have natasha on you... well yeah...

6: Pyros, Gives a thrill rush

7: Everyone else

[Rydawg 14]

I just kill everyone

[Melissia 7]

Quiet suckylife, the real people are over here talking.

Rydawg: Sure you do, but in what order?

[Spartan_0214 18]

Since we are talking about hypothetical situations, we cant really prove either one as being right or wrong. The moral of the story is, you have the use your own judgement. You cant just attack a person simply because of their class.

Thanks for canceling out your previous post, Sucky.

[Krash 1,040]

1) The enemy engineers buildings

2) The enemy team

Its pretty simple actually

[Stabby McKnife-Face 17]

Holy fuck, I just read there's no jokes allowed on the internet. Shit shit shit shit sorry guys.

If I wanted to write a "serious spy guide", I could have. Lighten the fuck up and learn to spot mockery.

[Melissia 7]

Don't mind suckylife, he's just insecure.

[friedrice 8]

Really? I make a decent spy and I don't follow most of those. Rule number one should be, prioritize sentries first, the person the team complains about second, and spammers third. That clears a way for your team. Even though spies work by themselves behind enemy lines, they should always be thinking about what's best for the team. I will gladly sap an engineer's buildings and backstab him, even if he destroyed the sapper on the sentry, and take a sentry to the face to clear the way for the team. A sentry without an engineer is a sentry waiting to be broken. Also, take down dispensers first. If you die taking down a sentry, and the engineer has a level three dispenser, that engineer is going to have a new level three sentry faster than your team can avenge you. Especially if that engineer has friends helping him out.

Wow, did you really think he was serious?

Apparently I'm one of the few who saw the humor in the post. Nice job stabby!

[Nket 16]

Priority list.

Ambassador snipers with rageshield, just to prove to them there is no safety.

Everyone else

[You suck and have no life 203]

Quiet suckylife, the real people are over here talking.

Rydawg: Sure you do, but in what order?

lol you just mad im a better spy even though my main is demoman.

[boywonder03 2]

This was actually pretty amusing. This looks a lot more fun than a Demo's Law list (spam spam spam).

Edited June 5, 2009 by boywonder03